but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
