i permit you to call me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
