I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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