I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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