My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
