i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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