she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
