It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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