i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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