she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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