FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
