Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
