im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
