You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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