i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
