i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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