The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
