I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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