just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
