i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize