According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
