Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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