so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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