btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
