Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
