his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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