Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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