I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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