it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
