i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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