The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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