i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
