I'm gonna have a badass scar
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
