Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
