Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
