Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
