sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
