Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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