Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
