sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
