i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
