I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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