I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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