I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
