I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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