seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
