What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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