Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize