Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
