you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
