do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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