"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
