I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
