i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
