You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
