Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
