i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
