if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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