ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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