Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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