My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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