sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
