happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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