hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
