You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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