You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
