He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
