What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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