I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
