If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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