You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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