Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
